Something More
by perfectpandaemonium
Summary: A story about hope, forgiveness and second chances. People change, feelings grow, but we never forget our first true love. - A Hollywood Heights story
1. Chapter 1: Prologue

**Chapter One: Prologue**

Two years, six months and eight days ago. That is when I have last seen her. After I got back from Lia and Jeremy's shed, it became hard to trust anyone. I have never told her – or anyone else – about Lia kissing me, but that did not stop me from feeling extremely guilty about it, even if I was not the one who initiated it. I have learned to forget about these siblings. Jake set them up with a great manager, and I believe they are slowly getting somewhere. But I could never forget _her_ hair, and the way they fell flawlessly around her face, or her eyes that lit up every time she smiled, or even her hands, which fit perfectly in mine when we intertwined our fingers.

However, I had to leave. I could not stay in a relationship that I could hardly trust. This time, it was not about the other one, I knew she was nothing like Chloe. This time, it was about me. I could not bear the feeling of failing her every time she looked at me sweetly, every time she put her arms around me and soothed me. A look into her eyes was enough for the bad memories and the guilt to swim back to the surface. It was too much for me. I wanted to tell her, I wanted to spill everything to her, but I could not. Every time I tried, the words stayed stuck deep down my dry throat. Something inside refrained me from telling her, and it made it impossible for me to love her the way she deserved to be loved.

So I called it off.

And I ran away.

I literally became what I never wanted to become. I ran away from my responsibilities, like a coward. I became her fear; I became what she hated the most. I became what left her heart broken and shattered. Because of me, she was able to smash her walls down, but because of me, she also had to rebuild them up. I became _him_, and that freaked me out.

So I tried to keep myself busy. Album after album, tour after tour, movie after movie. I exhausted myself to numb the pain. My sleepless nights kept me company. I found myself brewing tea at three in the morning, trying to remember her. Tea, which I have always hated, was now strangely comforting. My notebook was filled to the brim with songs about her, for her. My latest album was entirely dedicated to her. It was never explicitly said, but I know she knows. And that is all that matters.

I know I hurt her, badly, as well as everyone around me. My dad, who has recently officially become her step-dad and whose wedding I did not attend, is now utterly disappointed in me for leaving the way I did. We have cut most ties, which I never imagined could happen to us, since we used to have such a strong relationship. He calls once in a while to check on me, but we never speak for more than five minutes. My yellow moves have sent everyone away, as if I was to be avoided. Although that would not surprise me at all; if I could, I would avoid myself too. The only one that stayed was Jake, and I did not make it easy on him either. I have become angry and aggressive at times, but he knows that inside, I am broken, desperately calling for help. The side of me that she was able to recede amplified back when she left, when I made her leave. The bittersweet taste on my tongue became only bitter after a few months. But Jake has always been a brother to me, even with his own personal problems, and my leaving has not changed that at all. And for that, I am extremely grateful.

I have been on my own for two years and a half. I moved to New York to start anew and recorded my third album there with a new label. I have been on tour twice: once around the world, where I escaped to Paris, Manila, Johannesburg and more on an eight months long trip. I had the chance of meeting a lot of my fans, who were all I had left. Even when my sound had changed, many of them kept on supporting me, which, to be honest, surprised me. My new record label has been a lot more supportive as well, pushing me to write emotional and heartfelt songs that she would have liked.

My latest tour was a lot smaller. I travelled across the United States for about three months where I toured in much smaller venues. Forget the arenas and the stadiums; in America, I kept myself to private and intimate gigs only. I even stopped in Los Angeles, where I had a few hours to rest at the penthouse I used to call home, but I mostly tried to spend as few time as possible there to avoid the tiny possibility of bumping into her. But whether I sung in front of packed arenas or small bars, at the other end of the world or in my hometown, I was always hoping to see her face somewhere in the crowd.

Then came the movie. I never thought I would get back to acting again, but I needed to stay occupied to stop thinking about her. For a few weeks, I worked with Osborne Silver, who apparently still wanted me for one of his projects. All the while, I had to stop thinking about the mess I created with Chloe, who wanted her break into the acting world so badly; or Tyler, who actually turned out to be fine with his latest movie. But I have quickly forgotten about them too.

Here I am now, currently writing my fourth album. But I feel confused. Words do not come to me as easily as they used to. I guess I have successfully numbed myself. Jake suggested I take some time off, go somewhere and relax. He says I need to settle down for a while, that I am now too fatigued to function. But I am not. My head is simply stuck in the clouds, as she would sing, and my heart… My heart is still stuck on her. Yes. My heart is definitely still stuck on her, still stuck in love.

* * *

**Author's note**: This is my first Hollywood Heights story! I'm absolutely in love with the show and EddiexLoren so I'm planning on writing a lot more. I don't have much planned for this story apart from the overall plotline. I'm also not really a writer and English is not even my first language, so bear with me! I hope you'll enjoy the story and review it!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: I'll Save You From Your Dreams**

I wake up startled. Once again, I had dreamed about her – about us. For days, I have been reliving the moment when I left her. I can still see her face, glistening under the spotless Californian cerulean sky, and her tears, threatening to fall from her eyes at any second. I can still feel her shaking hand on my thigh, when we were sitting up there on the hill. Even today, I want to punch myself for choosing the worst day to break up with her. The sun was up high, shining on her and brightening her sad but still beautiful face, as if it wanted to remind me that I was an idiot for letting go of that marvelous girl. On another day, it would have been the perfect setting for a date, but as always, I turned something so radiant into something so gloomy.

Tonight, the dream was bizarre. Instead of perfectly re-enacting the break up as I normally do, I pictured her getting up abruptly after smirking at me. Instead of slowly getting on her feet, squeezing my left shoulder and kissing the top of my head, she left me without a word, almost as harshly as I left her. It is not some natural behavior coming from her and I guess unconsciously, it makes me realize something important. Something inside me just instantly clicks.

I shift uncomfortably in my bed. I have a tingling feeling down my stomach, the same feeling I get when I am inspired for a song. I look at my side; the alarm clock reads 2:19 in bright neon red. I look up at the ceiling before getting up swiftly and throwing the sheets on the floor.

I sit at my baby grand piano and hover my hands over the keys. I gaze out in front of me, where I still have the first picture of us together in a frame. Thinking back, I miss having her in my arms. I miss her smiling at me because I did something stupid. I miss her lips on mine when I felt bitter, like I am feeling now. I regret letting her go, and I regret allowing her to let me go.

I want to get something out of my guts, but no chord seems right. Nothing sounds like her. Maybe I have already written all the Loren-sounding songs that I could ever write, but I know that I have not. I know that she could forever be my muse and inspire my music, but at the moment, I cannot get anything sensible. I try writing lyrics first, but nothing seems to flow either. I sit on the couch, take the notebook she gave me for my twenty-second birthday, which is already full, and stare at it for a while. I flip through the pages, and looking at my messy scribblings, I have to fight back the urge to rip all the pages off. Everything reminds me of her, and it hurts like hell.

Before falling asleep, I keep my eyes open and I can hear my shallow breathing in the empty darkness of the room, where the only source of light is the dim moonlight coming through the windows, past the sheer curtains. I shiver, and as my heart cringes one last time, all I can think about were three lines that I would have liked to tell her before we parted:

I'm breaking

Don't let go

'Cause I need you close to me

• • •

I wake up startled. Once again, I had dreamed about her. As I blink to adapt to the light, I remember where I am: back in Los Angeles, in the city of angels, in the city where one particular angel lived. I came back a few days ago to try to relax and take a break from the hectic lifestyle of the Big Apple. Maybe this is what I need though. Maybe I do need to focus on myself and stop trying to squeeze and force songs out of me. Maybe a slow-paced week here will make me feel better. I can already smell the coffee cups and anticipate the walks around the beach, failing to get unnoticed. But if all of that does not work, I will definitely be taking the next flight to New York and try my best to move on with my life.

Through my dreams, I realized how deep the hole in my heart was, the hole that I dug myself when I left her that November. I realize now how lost I am without her, and that I lost my own way, without anyone else to blame. I realize how blind I am; she was my guiding light in my darkest days. Without her, I am nothing, and I am just realizing this now. What a fool I can be.

I sit up on my couch, where I ended up crashing a few hours ago. I rub my eyes and see those weird kaleidoscope-looking shapes. Everything is blurry and confusing for a second, and then it gets better. When I try to stand up, my head feels dizzy, and I have to hold on to something to not tilt and fall over. I hate this stupid love hangover.

I see my notebook open, resting on the floor; it probably fell down while I was sleeping. I pick it up and scan the page it is on. It shows the first song I wrote about Loren, a few days after our first date. It was the first single off my third album, and right now the sight of it burns my eyes almost as much as the sun rays do. The songs gives me an urgent feeling to see her, to hold her close and whisper in her hair that everything will be okay, that everything will go back to how it was before, but I remember that I am the one who caused all her pain. She probably has a new man for that, and I will forever be the one that got away. However, I tell myself that if I truly want to move on, and get past her, if I really want to get all the angst out and let some freshness in, I need to meet with her, and I need to explain myself. I need her to forgive me.

I decide to finally get up and start my day. I go up to my room and find my cellphone on my side table, next to an old picture of my parents and I. Hesitantly, I dial some numbers without even looking at the pad; it has been a while, but I will always be used to calling him at any hour of the day. I can hear the tone and I feel my forehead get sweaty. I do not know why I am feeling so nervous though, it is not like I cannot trust him or anything. True, we have had our battles, we have burned some bridges, but he will always be my family. Fine, the last time I talked to him was weeks ago, and he called just to check in, but he is still my dad. Unfortunately, after a while, it goes to voicemail and I almost give up. "You have reached Max, I'm not available – Eddie?"

"Dad! I thought you'd never answer."

"Why are you calling me? You never do." His voice sounds harsh. He probably hates me, and I cannot even blame him for it.

I am searching for excuses to tell him. In reality, I do not even know why I am calling him; it just seemed like the right thing to do a minute ago. "I'm sorry, I've just been really busy and – "

"Cut the bull, Eddie. Why are you calling?" He repeats just as harshly. "Where are you now, by the way?"

"I'm at home… in LA." I wait for him to say something, but I hear only silence at the other end of the line. "Uh… I was just calling… I know it might sound weird, but um… I wanted to see Loren…"

"… Why? You do know that you hurt her, right? That after you left, she couldn't smile for months? That I probably won't ever be able to forgive you for hurting her like you did? Why would you want to see her after what you did, Eddie? Tell me why!" His loud words screech in my ears. I know about all of these things, I know that I screwed up really badly, but that is exactly why I want to redeem myself. If I do not, I probably will never be able to forgive myself either. "I want to apologize, and explain myself. I know she won't forgive me, she has probably moved on – "

"She did, believe me."

"With who?" I am suddenly curious, and slightly… jealous? But then again, it has been years.

"I can't tell you, Eddie. It is none of my business. I can't just jump in every time and help you out when you put yourself in trouble."

"Exactly, that's why I need to see her myself."

"Son, she's moved on. She doesn't need you anymore. You've got to move on as well, find someone, go out, do something else… I don't know, just stop sulking."

"Dad, I don' think you get it. I _have _to see her to move on. If I can't tell her why I… broke up with her, and if I can't even apologize, then I think I'll forever regret it. I won't be able to look at myself in the mirror and walk away."

He sighs, "just… come over. I have to go, she's calling me." She?

"Loren's there?"

"Don't make me wait any longer. Don't make _her_ wait any longer. I'll see you in a bit." He hangs up on me and I am left staring right through the window of my bedroom. Somewhere in this town, Loren is waiting for me, and she has waited long enough.

• • •

Saturday mornings are calm in Los Angeles, especially in the Valley. As I drive around, a familiar feeling washes over me, a feeling of contentment and tranquility; it kind of feels like home. Yet, the rows of trees and the houses look distant, as if I had not seen them for years… which technically is the case. I see a few people taking a stroll with their dogs or children, and it makes me wonder if I could ever have the chance of experiencing this. Could I ever be the one to settle down, to live the American Dream of having two kids, a dog and a pool in a white picket fenced backward? Maybe I could. Maybe if I did not blow it off with Loren, I could have had it with her.

I turn on Crescent. Her house is just there on my right. I am a few meters away from her, from seeing her and talking to her. I am a few meters away from holding her in my arms and burying my face in her hair. I am a few meters away from a hopeful forgiveness. But I know that will never happen.

After parking my car in front of the house, I take a moment and breathe in deeply. I realize that maybe I am making a big mistake. Maybe my father is right and she does not need me anymore. She is a strong woman, I know it, and she will be able to face anything. On the other hand, I am the weak one now, and I need to talk to her. I am so confused. I am tempted to just start my engine again and drive off; this was seriously a bad idea. I never should have come. Why did I not listen to my dad, who is right nine times out of ten? I am such an idiot! Gripping the steering wheel, I softly bang my head on it. My keys are still in the ignition, I simply have to turn them and I can escape all of this. But before I can do anything, I see movement in the window from the corner of my eye. Something – or someone – has moved.

Shit.

She saw me.

Shitshitshitshitshitshit.

There is no coming back now. Taking my keys out, I open the door and get out of the car. I try to make myself look presentable. I look down at myself with my jeans and t-shirt, and I check the reflection in my car window. Why did I not take a shower this morning? Oh right, I was too busy thinking about coming down here. I walk up to the door and as I ring the bell, murmurs behind the door suddenly come to a stop. I heard a faint "coming!" and I am nervous as hell. I look down at my sweaty hands and notice that I am absent-mindedly balancing myself on my feet.

"Eddie."

Her voice is calm but the look on her face says a lot. She looks surprised to see me – maybe my dad did not tell her I was coming – but then again, she seems a little relieved I am here, as if she was expecting my visit. I do not know what to say and how to react so I do the best I can.

"Hi."

* * *

**Author's note: **Sorry for the long delay, I'm not a quick writer. There will be some Leddie interactions soon, most of the story is already planned, so check back for more! Also, I love reading your reviews so keep them coming!


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three: But the World Keeps Spinning Around**

"I wasn't expecting this," I say. She is standing right in front of me, with her curly hair and her small smirk.

"What did you expect? After all, I do live here." She sounds a little sarcastic.

"I know. I mean, I thought Loren would be the one answering the door… Not that I'm not happy to see you because I obviously am…" I try to sound coherent but alas, I cannot when I am stunned like I am now. "So, Nora, how are you?" I ask her.

"I'm fine," her answers are short and to the point. "What are you doing here?" A feeling of being totally uninvited washes over me.

"I called my dad a few minutes ago. If you want me to, I can just leave…" I am still trying to find a way to escape.

"Your father told me you called, I didn't know you'd come over too... but I'm kind of happy to see you. Come in." She opens the door wider and lets me in.

The house is the same, as homey and warm as it was before. New picture frames are scattered around the place and I see some traces of my dad living here but most of it has stayed untouched. I wonder if Loren's room is intact though. I have been there so many times that I probably know every corner by heart, I remember the exact emplacement of all her knickknacks and I even got accustomed to the empty wall where used to lay my poster. I can still smell her perfume floating in her room and I can almost see her dancing around without music just for the sake of it. Now I do not even know if she still lives here or not.

My dad is in the kitchen with his usual cup of coffee. He looks at him with dark eyes; I am almost intimidated by him. If I was not his son, he would probably have tackled me by now.

"Max, you didn't tell me Eddie would come over," Nora states to my dad.

"I wasn't sure if he'd show up. Still don't know if it's a good idea or not to have him here." My dad is still pissed at me; I can sense it in his mumbling voice.

"Of course it is! Eddie, do you want anything? I have coffee," Nora turns to me.

"I'm fine," I stop myself. "Actually, do you have tea?"

"Sure," she hesitates. She knows that I was never the type of guy to drink tea; that was Loren's thing. "Earl Grey's fine with you?"

I nod, not really knowing what to say to my step-mother. It is actually weird to think that she is; for me, Nora Tate will always be my girlfriend's – ex-girlfriend's – mother, I thought that one day maybe she would become my mother-in-law. I guess life does not always go as planned.

My dad moves from the kitchen counter to the couch and sits down after putting his cup on the coffee table. "So why are you here?"

I cough and try to find my words. "Loren… is she here?" I see my father hesitantly staring at Nora. She looks startled and opens her mouth to say something but closes it again, then goes back to making my tea. My dad takes a slow sip of his coffee and looks at me.

"I told you it's not a good idea to see her."

"But you told me to come."

"I know. Should I regret it?"

"Dad, I – "

"Eddie," he puts his mug down once again. "The thing is I'm afraid she won't want to see you. I am majorly mad at you for hurting her like you did, and I can't even start to imagine how painful it must have been on her. She has become like my daughter and to know that the one who hurt her is actually my own son is unbearable. Do you have the _slightest _idea how much – "

"I know! You told me! I know I hurt her, so very badly. I know that I'm the worst man that's ever walked on this planet. I know that she deserves so much better, but I want to redeem myself, really. I may have forgotten about the chance of dating her again, but I at least want to try becoming her friend again. I don't care what you think, this is what I want. And for once I want to be able to make my own decisions," my bad temper is coming back. It is obvious where I got that from. "I'm serious about this… I swear on mom's life."

My father glares at me with rounded eyes; he looks like he really is about to kill me. But before he can do anything, Nora jumps in. "Eddie, here's your tea. Careful, it's hot." I take it and calm myself. The feeling of having my fingers wrapped around a warm cup is soothing. Taking my first sip, I burn my tongue. It stings and numbs me, and all three of us end up staying in an awkward silence for a few seconds. Nora is rubbing my dad's shoulders, trying to reassure him as well.

"Eddie, you know how much you mean to me – to us. I'm not your mother and I'll never be able to replace her but be aware that I love you like a son, as much as your father loves Loren," Nora takes a deep breath. "Your dad and I never knew why you two broke up and it honestly doesn't matter, but at the time I was very angry at you for leaving. I thought maybe it'd be easy for all of us to move on when you moved to New York but it wasn't. We are family, and losing you was like losing a son. And for Loren… well I don't even know how she must feel. You were her first true love…" I look up from my cup of tea, its steam gently warming my face. Nora continues, "After Trent left, I thought I wouldn't see her honestly smile again. Sure, her friends have always been there for her and she's had some great times with them, but you were the only one who was able to break down the walls she had built around her. She could finally love again. She opened up her heart for the first time when she met you and I don't know if that's a good thing or not. Because of that, you saw how strong _and_ vulnerable she can be. And it became way too easy for you to break it again."

I lower my head. I am ashamed of myself; I did not realize just how much my selfishness affected her. And not realizing this is another proof of it.

"Sweetie… I'm ready to forgive you. Now the only thing that's left to know is if Loren is too."

• • •

After a long talk with my dad and Nora, I am ready to leave. Everything Nora said just makes me want to apologize even more; there is no excuse to be made, nothing can stop me now. Before I walk out the door, my father grabs me by the shoulders.

"Eddie, I know you are sorry, and I get that you love her. I just don't want you to hurt her even more than you already did, if that's possible. Just… please don't make the same mistake again." He breathes in. "I'm not proud of what you did," I bow my head. "I am ashamed, even, but I'm still proud to call you my son. You'll always be my son, remember that; and no matter how tough I can be on you, no matter how mean I seem, I love you, and so does your mom. She's watching over the both of us." He looks almost teary. "Now before you go, I have to tell you that life has changed around here, the world kept on spinning after you left. I wasn't kidding when I said that Loren has moved on. Don't be surprised."

I nod and he pats me on the shoulder. He brings me close and pulls me in an embrace; his warmth comforts me, I feel like a child again. "It's nice to see you again. You should come back soon." "I will," I promise him.

Nora comes by and hands me a tiny piece of paper, folded in four. "Here, you'll need this. Don't tell her it's from me," I chuckle. "And don't lose it."

"I won't. Thanks, Nora, for everything." I hug her as well, and it feels like home.

I get into my car and I am relieved. I am glad that I did not back down just an hour ago, I would have regretted not coming to terms with myself and not having my dad and Nora's forgiveness. I feel like I just lifted a weight off my shoulders and it frees me from the dark clouds covering up my thoughts. Quickly, I remember the note Nora gave me and unfold it. I cannot help but smile.

_1461 Highland Ave. App. 502  
She still loves you. _

* * *

**Author's Note:** There you go! Again, sorry for taking so long, but school has started a few weeks ago and I'm already really busy. I just finished this chapter tonight and I hope you like it! For those who thought Loren was at the door, I am so sorry. But believe me, next chapter (coming in a few days, or weeks maybe...) will be about Eddie and Loren, promised.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four: It Haunts Me Every Time I Close My Eyes**

As I drive my way through Hollywood, I can still hear my dad's words echoing in my head._The world kept on spinning after you left… Loren has moved on. _After two years and a half, I could not expect her to still be single. I know her relationship status is probably public, with pictures of her and a new boyfriend, but I have never been one to follow the media. Even when I was dating her, I never paid attention to what people said about us, and neither did she. She was different from Chloe, who loved the spotlight; Loren actually hated being followed and photographed. She just wanted to live a low-key life as a normal girl, and her family and friends successfully kept her down to earth. She liked having her privacy, and I wanted to respect that even when I was almost 3000 miles away from her. As for me, I did not care about what others thought about my personal life. One of the perks of living in New York was that I was not followed as much by the paparazzi, but gossip still flew left and right about potential lovers I had. I did not let it bring me down though; I had to remember that the only people who knew my smallest secrets and what was really going on in my life were the only people who mattered to me: my dad, Nora, Jake, Ian… and Loren. I am fully aware that I probably do not matter to her anymore. I admit, some days I was tempted to check online and see how she was doing, but it hurt too much to think that she might be enjoying her life without me next to her. I know now that it was selfish, especially since I am the one who broke up with her, but in all honesty, it would have killed me to see her laughing because of some other guy.

I feel nervous. I do not know what to expect. What if we do not get back to where we left off? Who am I kidding; we _will not_ get back to where we left off. I took off and disappeared to the East Coast. I disappointed my father and Nora, I believe even my mother is quietly shaking her head up in Heaven. Loren must hate me now, and with reason. Suddenly, I do not think it is such a good idea to go see her. She certainly does not want me to see her. Plus, I am not so sure I want to risk seeing her with someone else… Nevertheless, I keep driving until me GPS tells me I arrived at my destination.

I find myself in front of a tall modern building. While driving, I did not realize where I have ventured. I park myself, get out of the car and admire the neighborhood. It is much more luxurious – and populated – than the Valley. I am near the downtown of Los Angeles; I can hear the busy boulevard not far away from here. It makes me happy to know that Loren has made it. Her hard work and dedication to her music and her fans have brought her very far; I am so proud of everything she has achieved.

One of the building's pale stucco walls is full of wide windows and I wonder which ones belong to her. I hold the address Nora has given me tightly, making sure it does not flow out with the wind. At the front door, I am relieved to observe that I can open the door on my own, and that I do not need Loren to buzz me in. If that was the case, I would not have any chance of getting in. I quickly call the elevator and make my way to the fifth floor. My heads are sweaty again; hopefully it does not show when I see her. A few seconds pass and the doors open to a carpeted hallway with modest decoration, just as the lobby was. I smile at the thought that it represents Loren pretty well; she is modest yet exciting when you get to know her, humble yet so classy. Finding her apartment is simple and I make my way to the door. Breathing deeply, I ring the bell and I wait.

When she opens the door, I am rendered speechless, and I guess so does she. I open my mouth and try to get words out of it but nothing comes out. I am only able to stare at her sorrowfully, hoping that she would let me in. However, her eyes tell me otherwise and before I can take another look at her, she slams the door shut. This is my wake up call. I knock softly and call her across the door. "Loren… Loren, let me in. I need to talk to you."

She swings the door open abruptly and makes me slightly lose balance. "Last time you wanted to talk was the last time we talked… Two years and a half ago. So you might want to talk to me, but I don't want to talk to you. Have a good day, Eddie." She tries to close the door on me – again – but I am faster, and my foot prevents her from doing so. "Please, hear me out."

"Why would I?"

"Please," I am begging her.

She sighs and lets me in, defeated. I walk in carefully to not step in her comfort zone; I do not intend on making her uncomfortable. Her living room is tidy and chic with a white couch and colorful pillows; it appears luxurious but she has made it cozy. The glass coffee table has papers and magazines pilled on it, and her shelves have a few things scattered over them. The large windows let a lot of sunlight in and it reflects on some picture frames, but I cannot see the pictures themselves. After scanning the room, my eyes land back on her, whose arms are crossed and lips are tightly shut.

"I have to leave soon," she says. "So make it quick."

I clear my throat. "I… just wanted to come here to tell you that I really regret what I did, and that I just want to move forward with my life. I know you probably don't want me back, but I just want to apologize for being so stupid. I was young, I was an idiot, and now I want to redeem myself… I was hoping maybe we could start over?"

Loren chuckles sarcastically. "Ha. Are you serious? You were hoping we could start over? No fucking way, Eddie!" I flinch. Loren usually never swore, except when she was extremely upset. "What did you expect? That you could just come over, bang on my door, ask for my forgiveness and that I'll come back to you? 'Cause that's not gonna happen, my friend. Life's not that easy, neither for you, neither for me. You think it was painless for me to live on after you left? To try to stand still and wait for you? You know, I was secretly hoping you'd come back, that you'd come to your senses and that you'd come back to me. I was wishing that you weren't such a coward and that you'd face whatever bugged you with me, that you would ask me to help you… but no. Instead you just turned around and left; you weren't able to face your fears... You're right, you were an idiot, you were stupid and you were just a coward." If looks could kill, I would certainly be in Hell by now. Her tone was bitter, and it did not sound like her. Her voice was shaking by now and her lips, quivering. "You were not better than… than Trent. You acted exactly like he did. And you know how much he disgusts me, as a dad and as a man. I heard about girls dating men like their fathers, but I never thought it'd actually be true, yet happen to me! And for that, Eddie…" I surely was not expecting this when I came here. I can barely look at her, but I know that her eyes are tearing up. "… I hate you." And just like that, she shot me a bullet to the heart.

"Loren… I'm so sorry – "

"Don't even start apologizing. You know – " Her phone rings before she can go on. She looks at her screen and hesitates.

"Answer," I say. "Don't mind me." It might have sounded sarcastic to someone else, but my words are nothing but serious. Loren picks up her phone and walks to the kitchen adjacent to the living room. She does not want me to hear her but I do catch part of her conversation.

"Yeah, I'm going to get them today… No! Listen, can we not talk about this now? When are you coming back anyway? … Tomorrow then… No, seriously, we're not discussing this over the phone." She sounds upset but not as much as she was with me. "Yeah, sure… Okay, have a safe flight… Yeah, me too. Bye." Before she comes back, I have the time to glimpse around. My curiosity gets the best of me and I walk up to the picture frames. My eyes widen at the sight of the photos but Loren walks in before it really sinks in. "Sneaking around, huh?"

"Sorry…"

"Don't." She bites her nails gently which, I have learned, shows her nervousness. It is now that I notice the gleam of light that seems to reflect from Loren's hand, from her left hand precisely. Her ring finger is garnished with a simple band where rests a shimmering gem. _Obviously. That had to happen. Right, it all makes sense now. _My inner self is crying over the loss of a friend. She sees me looking at her hand and she realizes I figured it out. A few seconds of silence hover before she confesses almost with guilt, "I'm… married." My world stops. _How come did I not know about this? How come did my dad not tell me about this? _Fury slowly takes over my sadness. "Was that him? On the phone?" I ask her with a tiny voice, such as that of a child asking for forgiveness. She nods, "Yeah… He just called from Philadelphia. He has been there for work for a few days and is coming back tomorrow night." Her tone is composed now, and she no longer looks furious, but I cannot even react to that change of timbre. I am stunned.

I cannot help but ask her, "why? Why him?"

"You really did expect me to stay here and sulk and wait around for you to come back? Which, by the way, you do out of the blue two years and a half later? Are you that out of your mind, Eddie?! Did you forget that you were the one who broke things off for what reason I don't know?" I'm shaking my head slowly, not only to answer the question but also to try and wrap my mind around it. "Cameron treats me right, Eddie, and that's something you were never able to do. When you left, I doubted myself… I – I thought something was wrong with me… But now I know… You left me for you. And I hope it's worth it, I hope you're seriously enjoying your own company." It hurts like hell, as if someone is spearing me right through the heart and taking it out. _I loved you, more than I ever loved myself. I still do. I did treat you right. Or did I? I know I tried my best. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you. I loved you so much… But I couldn't live with that while I hated myself. _I am broken, shattered into millions of pieces. She deserves so much more than what I can give her and I really hope Cameron is worthy of her love. _Love._ It is such a tough word to say about the one who got away and another man. How I wish I could tell her everything I am feeling.

"I'm sorry for wasting your time… Maybe I should – I should leave," I stutter, holding back tears that are threatening of falling any time now. I turn my back at her and walk toward the door slowly.

"Yeah, sure. It's not like I'm not used to it anyway." _Ouch._ I wish I could take everything back and make it all better. I wish I could have stopped her father from leaving her life. I wish I was not so stupid for ruining mine. But I cannot do any of that; what has been done is done, and it cannot be changed.

I face her, "I'm so so – I mean… I understand that you hate me. I know that I hurt you… and that must be an understatement. But just remember that whether I'm here or not, I'll never forget you and I'll never forget us." She does not say a word; she is simply standing there, leaning on the side of the door. "Whether you want it or not, whether you do or not… I still love you." I see her swallow, I see her blink, but I cannot hear her say it back. I nod. Nora was wrong; Loren does not still love me.

"Goodbye Eddie." Just like that, she closes the door on me; she closes the door on our relationship. And the tears that I was fighting back now fall quietly.

* * *

**Author's Note:** I hope you like this chapter as much as I liked writing it (it even stepped on my studying… oops)! This definitely was my favorite to write to date so hopefully you enjoyed it. I apologize for those who wanted happy Leddie times but to be honest, this is sadly not really a fluffy joyful story so you shouldn't be expecting any of this. I know a lot of you probably hate me (or want to throw me rocks) for pairing Loren with Cameron but all will be fine, believe me. Also, I just wanted to tell you that this is going to be a short story, with less than 10 chapters. Most of the story is planned out, and I can already tell you that the ending sucks (meh, we'll see) but I'm still pretty excited. So keep your reviews coming! I might not reply to them, but I do love reading them; they serve as fuel! (:


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five: You Have Made a Human Out of Me**

I am packing my bags and getting ready to go back to New York. I did what I needed to do, and I'm no longer wanted here, so what is the point of staying? I have no idea why I am feeling this way though; it is not as if I was expecting her to jump right back into my arms. She is right, it is my entire fault. I am the one who left abruptly. I am the one to blame. I just hope she is happy now, and I hope she is treated right. I hope he treats her better than I could ever do.

I talked to Loren three days ago, and I spent these three days mourning the death of our relationship. I did nothing except lazily lay down on my couch, and getting up just when I had to go to the bathroom. I barely ate but I did drink – a lot –, I did not answer any calls, I did not change and I did not even find it worth it to go sleep in my bedroom. It would have been a perfect occasion for me to write, but I could not. I found myself blankly staring at the white ceiling for most of the time. It was only when I realized my flight was leaving tomorrow that I got up and starting being half-productive.

I start picking up some clothes on the floor and mindlessly throwing them in my suitcase, all the while thinking of what happened three days ago. I cannot believe I could have been so stupid. How did I think she would come back to me? I lost her two years ago, and I lost her again now. Way to go, Eddie! My heart is skipping fast and unevenly; I'm feeling the need to sit down. My eyes are watering, and blurry images of Loren invade my head. Images of when we first met each other, images of her first tour, images of her, torn up, after I left her that November… I close my eyes, trying to shut these pictures out of my mind. But instead I see us back at the beach bungalow, where she talked about the future she wanted to share with me. She talked about the three kids she wanted, the dog and the white picket fence; about us getting old and still writing songs about our life. I remember her laughing after I tickled her when I wanted her to stop talking. And I remember me thinking that it would actually be sweet to live that life with her.

I suddenly get a flash of inspiration, and I need to jot down some lines before they evaporate in the ether that constitutes my thoughts. I find my notebook in the mess and start writing.

_So we dance away the days_

_Looking for the rest of you and me _

I can hear this slow melody in my head and I hum it.

_And you say you can't breathe_

_Every time you think you're losing me_

I stare in front of me. There is something else I need to add to this, but what? I get lost in my own confusion, but some words still come easily to me. I guess they were too honest to be left unwritten.

_I loved you from the start_

_But I don't know what I'm looking for_

Before I can continue, someone knocks at my door. I do not feel like answering, but I hear a man screaming on the other side who gives me no other choice.

"Eddie! Open the door!" He knocks even louder. "I've been calling you for days and you never answered, so if you still don't want to answer me now, I'm smashing this freaking door down!"

I get up hastily and let him in.

"Hey Jake," I greet him with a whisper.

"What's up, man? I called you a million times!" He looks around the living room. "What the hell is this? Seriously, clean this mess up! And look at your face! What happened to you?! You look like you just spent three nights in Vegas without sleeping. Did you lock yourself here all along? No… don't tell me you decided to become a cat lady without telling me?"

"Ha, very funny, Jake," I know I sound sarcastic. "I guess I was just being held prisoner by my own inner turmoil."

"That," he points out, "would sound so good in a song. By the way, how's the material coming along?"

I cannot believe he would ask me about my music when I am in this state of mind. "Dude, can't you see that I'm not really in the mood to write?"

"I don't know what happened to you, but I thought coming to LA was a time for you to relax and thus a time for you to write. If you wanted to get drunk every night because you're young and you don't give a crap about – "

"I talked to Loren."

"You what?"

"You heard me."

"You talked to Loren?" I nod. "When? Why? What'd she say? Are you guys getting back together?"

"Jake! Shut up! No, we're not getting back together and we're never getting back together. She actually broke my heart even more. Well… I mean, the first time, it was me, but… I've been moping here for the past three days trying to get my head around this. But I can't, so I'm moving on. And either way I'm leaving tomorrow, so I mean, what's the point?"

"The point is that this is the perfect time to write a song, man! Follow Taylor Swift's steps!"

Now I am really mad, and I know I should not be. "Seriously?! You're still talking to me about writing. I can't believe you, Jake. As much as you're my manager, you're also my friend. And a friend should comfort a friend in need. But that's not what you're doing. You're still pushing me to write songs, like you always do and I'm seriously getting sick of it. Do you know how emotionally tiring it is? I need something else; I want something other than this bullshit! I want to stop thinking about her, not focus on this and write a hit about it, although I know you'd love me to. I just want to get over it and move on, and go back to New York and forget about it. She drained me out of everything I have, all my energy, my feelings, my words… I don't have anything left to give you, Jake!"

He is gaping at me, speechless. "But the label – "

"Screw the label! Let them wait!" I catch my breath. "Give me something else to focus on. Give me another film or something, anything to get my mind off her."

"Eddie, it didn't help you last time, remember? You were just completely exhausted after everything I gave you to 'get your mind off her'. And that's why I told you to come here. Little did I know is that you'd actually make it worse…"

I shoot him a glare. "Sorry," he continues, "but I'm serious here, man. Another movie is not gonna help you, Eddie. I know you don't want to hear this, but writing might actually help you. This time, don't do it for me or the label; do it for yourself. Free yourself from your inner turmoil, as you like to call it. Put your feelings in this song. I don't care if it's a hit or not, I just want you to feel better. I'm sorry if I'm pushing you all the time, I just want what's best for you and your career. And for now, I just want you to get better, that's all that matters to me."

He looks sincere, and I might actually listen to him. "Thanks. I'm sorry too, for snapping at you. Just… don't pressure me right now. I'm not in a good place."

"I get it, Eddie. I've been there too…" He puts his hand on my shoulder, and knowing that he supports me makes me feel a little bit better. I embrace him, and tears threaten to fall. _Be a man, Eddie. Stop crying._

"I'll always be there for you, Eduardo. I am your friend… I'm your brother. And we'll always be brothers. So you can count on me."

"Thanks," I smile at him.

"Anyway, I'll let you do your stuff now that I know you're alive. And clean this mess. Max would _not_ be happy about this!" I laugh. "Get better, and I'll see you tomorrow, 'kay? The plane leaves at 2pm. Don't be late."

"Yeah, yeah… Now get out." I chuckle; I start to feel a lot better.

• • •

After Jake leaves, I spend the whole night packing my bags and catching myself with an occasional smile plastered on my face. Music is blasting from my iPod while I am cleaning my house and I look actually pleased with the outcome. I mean, I can actually see the floor! I tell myself that I am over Loren, and that tomorrow will be a brand new day for both of us. I will eventually stop feeling so depressed and start living again. I will put all of me into my music, my career and my fans.

I look around and mentally pat myself; I am pretty much done with everything. There are no more bottles of alcohol nor clothes on the floor; my suitcases are packed and waiting at the door. I just need to get a good night of sleep and I will be ready to start over. However, I quickly spot my notebook under my coffee table and I bend to get it. I remember the song I was writing before Jake's visit, and it brings me back memories of Loren. Damn it, I thought I had moved on already. And as if fate was up to something, I hear a new song playing from my iPod. It is the song that brought us together and it is the song that will always remind me of her. It is a song that I thought was long gone, but I was dead wrong; two years and later, it was still on my mind. It is the song that is currently bringing back all the halcyon memories I was trying to recede, and it is the song that brings me to tears, once again. Hearing her melodious voice kills me and I break down crying on my knees. And for once, I can relate.

_But my head's stuck in the clouds, I'm acting weird_

_And lost for words_

* * *

**Author's Note: **I hope you liked this! Again, I'm sorry for taking so long (I feel like I'm always apologizing, and you should act like Loren and tell me to stop cause I'm getting annoying), but you know, school and stuff. I'm fully aware that this chapter was kind of boring, and not really action-packed, but it's slowly coming, don't worry! So yeah, keep your reviews flowing! (:


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six: A Game I Couldn't Win But I Wanted to Play**

I find myself hiking to the top of Griffith Park, overlooking the whole city of Los Angeles. I can see the San Gabriel Mountains on one side and I can imagine the beaches on the other. The view is incredible but for some reason I have the impression that this is not a good day. Although the sun is shining bright, I feel clouds eclipse my head and my heart. I feel like something is going to happen. I walk up to the edge of the hill after seeing a familiar figure standing there. When I approach her, I am tempted to tap on her shoulder to grab her attention, but before I can even do anything, she turns around. And I am face to face with Loren. She has that smirk on her face and her eyes are dark. She chuckles a little and looks straight behind me, where a shadow appears. I am blinded by the sun and cannot distinguish the person's face. But as he walks up to us, I recognize his blond hair and tall posture. Cameron comes near us and positions himself beside Loren before giving her a rough kiss. I cannot help but cringe; I should be the one kissing her, and my kisses would be soft and delicate. My fists are unwillingly clenched and I am starting to sweat. Suddenly she tells me "I'm better off without you. I don't even know why I started dating you when _he_ was always here for me. _He_ treats me right, Eddie, and that's something you were never able to do." She leans towards _him_ and stares at me, still speechless. "So I guess this is goodbye, huh?" My heart sinks and I cannot help but notice that the sky covers up with gloomy clouds. With one last smirk, Loren grabs my shoulders and pushes me down the hill. I tumble, stumble and plummet down the cliff, and the wind is gushing through my hair; I can still see Loren and Cameron up there staring down at me and laughing and I close my eyes and await death. But before I can reach the ground, I wake up, sweaty and panting.

I realize that I have been awoken by my buzzing phone. I take a moment to try to get over my dream and get up too abruptly. The room is still spinning when I reach my phone and groggily answer.

"Hello?"

"What the fuck, Eddie?! I hope you can explain this!"

"Dad? What's wrong with you?" I am definitely awaken by his yells now.

"What's wrong with me?! What the hell is wrong with you?! I thought you said you were going to fix this, not make it worse!" he exclaims. He sounds mad. Really mad.

"What are you talking about?"

"Stop playing innocent, for fuck's sake!" My dad never swears and I just heard him drop the f-bomb twice in fifteen seconds. I know that whatever I did, I am in huge trouble now.

"Dad, I'm serious! I have absolutely no clue what I did!"

He chuckles humorlessly. "Loren broke the engagement off, are you fucking happy now?!" _Three times now._ "Is that what you wanted?"

_Wait. What? _I come back to my senses. "She broke her… engagement off?" I am confused.

"Yes! I don't know what you did, or what you said, to make things worse than they already were, but she called it off with Cameron."

I thought I would be the only one coming out of this with a broken heart. Apparently not.

"Where is she?" I ask my father.

"We have no idea. She just called Nora earlier this morning bawling, but we can't find her. We've looked at Mel's place, we called Cam… He said she might be at Griffith Park; supposedly it's where she likes to hang out, so we're currently driving there. But for now it doesn't look good." My dad actually sounds worried.

"Can I meet you there?"

"No, we'll be fine. We'll call you if we find her, and you try to fix it on your own."

"Sure…" I am not. I have no idea where to look; I do not even know what happened. She told me she was married, did she? Or did I just completely imagine that in my head? Plus, my flight which I am supposed to take to move on from Loren is leaving in a few hours. I was planning on going back to New York and start a new chapter, and try to forget her, but that is apparently already a failure.

"But dad –" I am answered by the dial tone, and I am left hanging there in the middle of my living room with my mouth wide open.

• • •

It is time for me to act like a man and step up my game. Instinctively, I decide to forget about my flight for now, but if I can find Loren before and catch the plane, then I will go back to my life in New York. If not, then Jake will be furious at me for making him, the plane and all the crew wait, but I honestly do not care; it would not be the first time anyway. Loren is all I have on my mind right now; everything else is bull. Nothing else matters more to me than her. I do not understand what happened but I am willing to fix it, even if it means bringing her and Cameron back together. I am confused as to if she is married or not, but whatever will make her happy will make me not hate myself.

I am driving to her apartment in hope of finding some clues there. I do not know if it is a good idea or not but it is all I have. It comes from my guts, from my heart; today my brain's on strike. As I park my car in front of the building, I am rehearsing the things I will say to her when I find her – if I find her. I jog up to the elevator and nervously ride it to Loren's floor fidgeting with my hands. As I hear the _ding _telling me I have arrived on the fifth floor, the last time I have been here replays in my mind and reminds me that I should not be here. She does not want me to find her; she does not want me at all.

Before I can even knock on the door, it swings open. I am taken aback and try to take a peek but instead I bump into a man's tall and broad chest: Cameron's. "What are you doing here, Duran?" he asks me. I cannot respond; I do not know either. "You're looking for Loren, huh? Well she's not here, I checked." He walks out of the door and pulls out two suitcases with him. "Are those…" I cannot help but wonder.

"Yeah, I'm moving out, didn't you hear? Is that what you were planning to accomplish by coming back?"

"Look, Cameron, I'm not here to pick up a fight. I know I've been horrible to Loren when we first dated, and I know I hurt her really bad – trust me, I've been told enough times – but I'm thankful that you were here for her." He looks curiously surprised. "She's opened up to you and I can tell that she loves you. I don't know why you two broke up, I mean I thought you guys were married," I chuckle, "but I hope it's not because of me. I've never wanted to disrupt anything or be a home-wrecker. And to be honest with you, I don't know why I'm here either; I guess I just felt like I had to."

He nods, as if he is absorbing everything I just told him. "Well, thank you. I mean, without you she wouldn't have come to me in the first place!" I come to the realization that it _is_ me who has pushed Loren into someone else's arms. "And yeah, I'm glad she could trust me, but she never totally looked at me the way she looked at you. I guess you just had that effect on her; she never forgot about you. Don't worry though, we didn't end things because of you, at least I don't think so. The world doesn't revolve around you, Duran."

It is almost painful to hear. "So what now?"

"You tell me. You're the last one left in the game. Chase after her, and tell me when you find her."

"What tells you that I will?"

"I just know. You knew her better than I ever could," he grabs his suitcases and calls the elevator.

"Wait… You're just leaving like that?"

"What else can I do? I can't find her, we called it off, and I don't think she wants to see me again. I mean, I'm not completely innocent either," he cracks a bittersweet smile. "Don't forget to lock the door on your way out; the key's on the table." He turns around, gets into the elevator and leaves me stranded in an empty hallway with a door left ajar and an apartment haunted by her presence.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Sorry for the short chapter, but I wanted to make up for my absence. I hope you enjoyed that chapter!


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